Why lovers
are bird-brained
by
Howard
Richler
“On wings of
love and fly to me my turtle dove.”
“As clear and pure as a
turtle dove
And that is what fills me
with love.”
I espied these saccharine messages recently
while perusing Valentine’s Day cards and had the humdrum epiphany that the
turtle dove is the quintessential symbol for Valentine’
Day. (Do not confuse the turtle dove with the reptilian turtle. The bird’s name
in Old English was turtur, an onomatopoeic rendering of the bird’s
coo.) Not only does “turtle dove” conveniently rhyme with “love,” but the turtle dove is also said to
be a very solicitous partner that constantly dotes on its mate. This sense is reflected in the following
passage from James Joyce’s Ulysses: “Take her for me... Jove, a cool ruttime
send them. Yea, turtledove her.”
The turtle dove is but one
example of the “animalistic” nature of
romance. Lovers are referred to in other
beastly ways such as “bunny,” “kitten,”
“puppy,” “sparrow,” “sparling,” “lambkin,” “tiger,” and “stallion,” and are
even likened to potentially disease-infested rodents, such as a “mouse” and a
“squirrel.”
The metaphorical use of
animals to refer to lovers is a time-honoured practice. In his book The Lover’s Tongue, Mark Morton relates
that the period from the 15th to the
18th century represented the apogee for the metaphorical comparison
of one’s beloved with livestock: “People interacted with animals not just in
their McNugget or Quarter-Pounder incarnations, but as fellow creatures,
sharing the same plot of farmland, if not the same house.”
For example, in
Shakespeare’s Henry V, the character Pistol exclaims, “Good bawcock, bate thy rage, use lenitie,
sweet chuck!” “Bawcock” is a corruption of the French beau coq which means “beautiful cock” or
more euphemistically “fine rooster”;
“chuck” here is a variation of “chick.”
In the Scottish poet William Dunbar’s 16th
century verse In Secreit Place
This Hyndir Nycht, a woman in the
poem addresses her lover thus: “My belly huddrun , my swete hurle bawsy” which
translates as “My
big lummox, my sweet unweaned calf.” I may never ever again be able to eat
a steak without blushing.
Perhaps it would also be wise to avoid employing
the term of endearment piggsneye, used by Chaucer in The Miller’s
Tale in 1388. The OED defines it as “one specially cherished; a darling, pet;
commonly used as an endearing form of address.”
It is a combined form of
“pig’s-eye” and the OED relates that it “originated in children's talk
and the fond prattle of nurses.” Its last recorded usage dates back to 1941 in
C. S. Lewis’,
The Screwtape Letters: “My dear, my very dear Wormwood, my poppet, my pigsnie.”
Of course, terms of
endearment can transcend comparing your beloved to an animal. You can also
employ nonsense rhymes such as “honey bunny,”
“lovey dovey” and “tootsie wootsie”. If you find these terms annoying,
take solace that many others of this ilk are now archaic. In All's Well that
Ends Well, Shakespeare refers to a husband’s “kicky-wicky”
which transfers from its literal sense as a gray mare to a wife. Other rhyming
terms that have similarly vanished are “gol-pol” (a woman with blonde hair), “crowdie-mowdie”
(oatmeal and water eaten uncooked,) and the nonsensical duo of “slawsie gawsie”
and “tyrlie myrlie.”
Equally grating
are the variety of “–ums” words used as forms of
endearment. These seem to have originated as terms for children (or cats) but
were soon adopted by babbling, inarticulate lovers. Here we have the quartet of
“diddums,” “pussums,” “ pookums” and “snookums.”
If you are looking for an
original verb to describe your love play, try “canoodle” which is defined as
“to indulge in caresses and fondling endearments.” Its origin is unknown and
its first citation occurs in 1859: “A
sly kiss, and a squeeze, and a pressure of the foot or so, and a variety of
harmless endearing blandishments, known to our American cousins under the
generic name of ‘conoodling.’” If you’re
seeking even greater originality for the one
you cherish, try an archaic word. I thus
recommend to the gentleman reader that he refer to his love interest as
“muskin” (girl with a pretty face), “amoret” (sweetheart), “fairhead” (beauty)
or as a “mistresspiece” (female masterpiece), and to employ “court holy water”
(flattery) in order that she may “smick” (kiss) and “halch” (embrace) him. A
lady may call her beau a “franion” (gallant lover) or refer to him as
“snout-fair” (handsome), and tell him that he is “frim” (vigorous and in good
shape).
Whatever language
you choose to woo the one of your choice this Valentine’s
Day, may your “loveship” (courtship) be full of
“fougue” (ardour).
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